I've been picking up some freelance clients these last couple weeks. For writing jobs.
When I stop and realize that I'm being paid to do something that I enjoy -- the writing, the assembling of thoughts, the research and learning -- I'm so, so grateful.
I'm grateful for my support system (there are so many of you), and I'm grateful for who I've grown to become.
I've struggled a lot, like we all do. Sometimes I feel messy. I think that mess is most apparent when I look at the way I'm eating and taking care of myself.
When I start to feel stuck -- when I don't know all of the answers or understand what direction I'm headed -- that's when I stop paying attention to what I actually need.
I forget to turn inward and listen to myself -- this is still something I'm learning.
Perhaps it's because, when I'm feeling anxiety about a particular issue, I want to feel (instead) like I have solutions. Sometimes I'll *create* problems so that I can solve them. Sometimes I'll turn to other people and try to solve *their* problems.
It can really get to be a clusterf*ck, though, keeping that cycle of anxiety going. Especially if I'm consistently forgetting to just sit with myself and find gratitude in that moment.
There's something to that whole gratitude thing.
Even if I can't feel grateful for anything else but that specific moment, I think that's something. Being alive and present (and recognizing it) is a kind of self-care.
One that I'll make more time for. Especially since I'm getting busier, making space for myself and shutting down the outside chaos for a little bit is so necessary.
And I realize how self-reflective this post is, but I had a backlog of thoughts that really needed to get out. It's important for me to write these things out -- especially since I'm getting older (and wiser, obviously).
And "making space for myself" doesn't have to mean 10 solid minutes of quiet, perfect meditation (although I do enjoy that). There are other ways I can get space:
- a drive in the country
- walking and listening to good music
- writing for myself
- BATHS (seriously, I wrote about it, and should do it more often)
- taking time to get up in the morning, to just lie there and wake up
There are a lot of ways that I can honor the space I need. I'm sure I'm forgetting some of them. How do you make time for yourself?
(Today's post title is from an RJD2 song. GREAT working soundtrack.)