The last couple weeks have been full of brilliant sunrises and immense, star-studded night skies. Being in this place has done so much for my general outlook on things. I feel like I have more capacity for gratitude, more time to be hopeful.
My dear friend, Raquel, and I were texting today, with updates on how things have been going for us. I have potential plans this next month, but mentioned that I needed to think on them further before making a decision.
"What's there to think about?" she asked.
I had to pause for a moment before I responded.
I'm scared. Scared of taking next steps, committing to anything that even resembles me going in a new direction.
What if it's the "wrong" decision? What if I hated the direction I was going? I could feel the anxiety start to build around the edges of my thoughts while I thought of a response to her.
But, now that I've had some time to breathe and be with loved ones, I'm starting to recognize how I can work through things so they're a little less scary.
If I only look at the next couple of weeks ahead of me, it's less daunting. It's more manageable. I'm not carving out my entire journey in this next step -- it's just a step. Sometimes I'll keep the same path, sometimes it'll veer off towards the left a little bit. But it's just a step right now.
And maybe I need to think about some of those steps before I take them, but I am moving forward.
And I've made some huge decisions (much bigger decisions than I'm making right now, even) -- so I know how capable I am of doing the harder stuff.
It's never easy. But it does seem easier.
One step, then the next one. It's hope that keeps me going. It's support and love and laughing about my missteps that keep me moving.
I'm grateful for the time that I've had to regroup and rest. It's been so crucial -- I think I've needed something like this (a sabbatical, I guess?) for a long, long time.
And I think I'm taking full advantage of it.
(Today's post title references Bill Wither's "Lovely Day," a song that my whole family has been singing a lot these last couple of days.)